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Gal. it wasn’t funny ar.
It hurts actually.
Don’t do that again aiytes.
Pls. sorrie for crying in front of u just now.
Its just so painful to think abt it ar.
=)
Klah. My day was okay2.
50-50.
Spent the whole day with frens.
All of us.
Gals: me,ama,su,syiks,ain,mahirah,azlin
Boys: yus,arep,din,yan,amir,nasif
So yeah. Was fun ar.
Mula2. lepak2. kt depan esplanade by the bay.
Enjoy the scenery. Talk nonsense as usual ar.
Hahahx.
(had emo moments for awile. =) )
Then. We went to suntec city.
Me and ama was giler-ing at WHY PAY MORE SHOP.
Hahahahax. Then. We went to toy-r-us.
Met!! Fatin!! Argh!! Miss her loads man!!
So yeah. Then we took a lot of pics with the bears and stuffs.
Hahahax. So cute. All of us giler2 ar.
Then. The rest rush to masjid moulana. To solat.
Me and ama stay abit longer at suntec.
We went to shoe, jewellery, bags shops.
Hahahax. As usual.
Window shopping rocks!!!
Hmm. Then. Meet the rest up at masjid.
Then. Tinggal 7 ppl left to eat at the nearby MacD.
Hahahx. We were like totally gilering.
Especially ama and yus.
Hahahahx.
Ain too.
Mahirah as usual.
Hahahx.
Alin and yan too!!
Whakakakakx. Cool right.
Then. We dicided to sit beside merlion.
Nk tengok sunset.
Skali.
Rupernyer. Sunset kt blakang kiter.
But in the end. Did manage to take some pics ar.
Hahahax..
End of the day. So fun. But tired!
Seriously. Its great to be wif frens around!!
Reached home. At 9pm sharp!
And dang. Started of my night well with my mum!
Laugh here and there.
But it got worst when the same topic came out again!
Argh!!!
WHOEVER IS TELLING MY MUM ABOUT WATEVER HAPPEN DURING MY RELATIONSHIP. HOPE TAT YOU TELL HER THE TRUTH. IF YOU ARE DERE. WITNESS OF THE SCENE. ESPECIALLI. ABT THE PART. WHERE I SHOUTED AT HIM IN FRONT OF U GUYS. WTH!! ITS IRRITATING YOU NOE. EVERY NIGHT. THE SAME TOPIC. COME OUT. OVER AND OVER AGAIN! HAISH!!
DON’T EVER MAKE STORY AND. IF CAN!! JUST STOP IT! FORGET IT! DROP IT! DROP THE TOPIC ABT ME AND HIM! ITS ENDED!!! FULL STOP! GET IT! FULL STOP!! NO MORE ABOUT ME AND HIM. STOP IT WILL YOU GUYS! PLS.
ITS IRRITATING AND HURTFUL!!
I ADMIT. I DID A LOT OF MISTAKES TOWARDS HIM. BUT DO CONSIDER HIS TOO KIES. BUT IF CAN! JUST SHUT UR MOUTH. AND JUST THE HACK IT. STOP TALKING ABT HIM AND ME. JUST ABT THE RELATIONSHIP. JUST DROP IT! FORGET IT! PLS. DAMN IT MAN!!! FORGET IT!! PPL! PLS.
WHOEVER YOU ARE. WHO KEEP TALKING TO MY MUM ABT WATEVER. HAPPENED IN THE RELATIONSHIP. JUST DROP IT. WOULD YOU. FORGET IT. THERE’S NO MORE TO TALK ABT. ITS ENDED ALREADI. AND LET IT BE THE WAY. IT IS. NANI MENGAKU. NANI BANYAK BUAT SALAH DENGAN WAN. NANI YANG BANYAK BUAT DOSA DENGAN WAN. MOST OF IT! NANI YANG SALAH! FULL STOP. TATS IT! DON’T GO IN. FOR MORE DETAILS. NANI MENGAKU. NANI YANG SALAH! ARGH!!!
I want to forget whatever tat has happened. But there’s just some ppl.
Like my mum and her whoever informer. Keep talking abt it!
And wenever I reached home.
She would ask me.
Its irritating. And hurting to think abt it!!
Put urself at my shoes please ppl!!
How wud u think I wud feel!
Drop it will you!!
Whoever you are!
I donnoe.
Coz. Der.
My mum don’t want to tell me.
So now. Im begging you.
Drop it off!!!
Stop talking abt me and the past relationship!!
Drop it!! Wud you!
Argh!!
Its irritating. N im like crying again. Haish.
Im like trying to make myself strong day by day.
But the hope of me being the old me again.
Fades more and more.
Argh!! Just drop it off!
And stop it!!
Whoever you are.
May you be close to me or not!
I don’t care!
I wont scold you.
Coz. I’ll never noe.
And forget it! Pls ar!!
Haish…
Bingit seh!!!
Dah ar. Im not in the mood to do anithin great tonite.
Tomolo. Saper2 yang main bola. Gd luck.
To my tuition peeps too.
Who will be playing. Tke cre aiytes.
Syawal.. im soooo wanna meet you!!
Hahahahx. Irdwan too!! Argh!!!
Nevermind. One day I will!!! Argh!!!
Blueks! =)
*for sure. From now on. I donnoe who cud I trust. Who cud I share my probs with. Im having second tots ppl. Help me! Arhh!! I sooo gonna shout tonite!! Cant sleep surely! Arghhh!! Wanna keep things to myself!! For damn fucking sure! Argh!!!
holdiing0nurhandstight
And dang! She loves to do tat!
Hahahax. Knock at my door. Wake me up.
N gosh..
“nani! Yok pergi gym.! Cepat. Siap skrg!”
Mummy wasn’t shocked at all.
Hahahx. Mummy was awake. But I didn’t.
Coz der! Aru tido seh.
Dah lah tido pukol 5 pagi.
Kenek kejut pukol 6. maner tk melalak.
But overall was okay.
So yeah.
Went gyming at wdls stadium as usual.
Did some bicepts workout.
Hahahax.
I did 100 mush ups and sits up.
But balik.
Terus lembek.
So yeah. She ask me go home.
Mandi and pack my stuff for silat.
Then go to her house.
Watch this scary movie.
Her guy was there.
So as her sis and bros.
So yeah.
We were like watching movie.
Hahahahax.
But. At the end.
I was actually. Sleeping! Hahahahx. Tak tengok lansung pon!
Hmm. Was so damn tired ar!
So. It was like. 12 pm already.
Aunty ita. Cooked for us alfredo cream spaghetti.
Yummy2.
Hahahahx. Then we play twister.
Hahax. So funny ar!
I step on her hand. Like 5 times.
And her body was like so. Twisty. Hahahax. Cute lah kiter2.
Gal. pass me the pics aiytes.
I promise I wont post it up!
Whee… =)
So yeah. Left her house abt 1.30 like tat. Reached sch abt 2+
Hmm. Masuk jek cca room. Kt corridor. Nampak din.
So was like. Ask him. Sapera der kt bilik!
N dang. It was him.
Hahahax. Kluar jek. Din kenek maki.
Sorrie ar din.
Main2 jek ar.
Hahahax.
Don’t take it to hati kies.!
Whee..
So was like. He left. Hmm. Tk selesa kott.
Tak per lah yer.
Ikot suker hati lah.
I got no more to say abt wat u are trying to do now.=)
Hmm.
Programme meeting and pub meeting went well.
I didn’t have any meeting.
Just came early for fun.
So yeah. Hahahahax.
Kacau2 dorang ar.
But not tooo much.
Nanti irritated pulak.
So yaeh. Diam jek.
Bacer2 blog.
And dang.
I was shocked to see this.
“boy. I hate you for wat u have done to me. Im totally over you now. Just forget it!”
Gal. ur my fren. Haish. I just don’t noe why.
Skrg zaman break up.
Haish. I just hope.
I cud help you dear. I mean like.
How evil he have done to you.
Think abt the happiness tat both of you had gone thru.
The swit and the bad times.
Gal. don’t becoz of one mistake.
U decide to let go.
Pls dear. I noe you love him sooo much.
Pls. think twice kies.
He still needs you.
He really didn’t do it on purpose.
Pls. forgive him. And start anew. Pls.
I just love both of you so much.
Haish. All I can do. Is talk to both of you.
And knock some sense to ur mistakes.
But. Its up to both of you.
To make things better. Im hear to listen. And perhaps to advise.
As for sure. Im not good at this myself.
So yeah. Hope. You understand gal.
Call me wenever u want to.
Ill be here listening.
And to my another poly fren.
Gal reading ur blog.
Made me think back abt whatever happened to me and my fren.
Haish. Yesh. I shed tears reading ur entry.
I just hope.
Ur relationship with him. Will not end like tat.
Pls. treasure each other. Coz. Both of you have gone thru a lot togeder.
Stay strong and sort things out carefully aiytes.
And to ur partner. Bro. tke cre kies. Love her always. While she still loves you.
Both of you. Are just sooo. Cute togeder! =)
So yeah. Haish. Stop abt nasihat org2 nie semuer.
Ader dgr. Ader pon tk dgr.
Hahahhahahax.
Silat training was okies.
I partner with ama!
Hahahahx.
So yeah.
It went well.
But. Was like paiseh.
Part yang nk jatuh kana ama.
Nani jatuh skali.
Hahahax.
Paisey2.
Hahahahx.
But overall was okay.!
Whee..
So. There will be a match this Friday.
Hmm. Lawan ngan grp zainal.
So yeah. Syawal will be there!
Omg!! He’s like so cute.
Pernah ah ader crush ngan dier bler zaman2 tuition.
But was over it.
When my heart went to someone else. Hahahahahx.
*winks*
Hahahax. So yeah.
Im goin silat. I think.
So yeah. Soooo sorie. Tak dapat jumpe korang semuer!!
Argh!! Hugs and kisses to all! Wheee…
Hmm.
Then. Suddenly. Arep was like asking.
How did my honey bunny bee manage to last her relationship with her guy.
When. She ader kt italy. N her guy kt Singapore.
My answer was easy.
“as long both party don’t betray the trust. The hopes. The promises.”
And “as long there is no third party and batu api”.
Haish.
Tats all.
But im soo sad.
Mine was like! Argh!!!!!
Kies. As I say. Im not good at this! So faham2 jek lah.
Hahahx.
Mummy and I was like having a daughter and mother talk just now.
Hahahx.
So fun n touching! Wheee..
Best2.
Hahahahx.
Watched csi.
And hmm.
Penat ar!
Ngantok giler.!!!
So. Yeah. I forgot!
Gerls in mls. Wud want to have a street soccer team.
Dah ader 8 org. hmmm.
Nk carik abt 5 more perhaps.
First training may start next week Monday.
So yeah.
Hahahahx.
Maybe.
Kak nur will be our part time coach.
Ill ask her up kies.
=)
Klah.
I wanna sleep already!
And to faan and arep! See. One entry per day. But veri2 long!
Whakakakkakax.
Wheeeee…
Nytes!!
Lepaks tomolo! cant wait!!!
Wheeeee…
holdiing0nurhandstight
Maybe all this while.
In mls.
I haven’t been close no you.
For wat reasons.
I may not noe.
Haish.
=(
Maybe.
Tat incident of him.
Made me realize.
Tat. He is not mend for me.
Coz. I saw his shadows of his past.
Tat I wudnt tot of it coming back.
Thanks gal.
For showing me the right way.
I guess.
Yup.
I was wrong towards you.
Blaming u.
Betol kata pepatah.
Klau tk ada ribut.
Pokok tak akan bergoyang.
So. If he didn’t start off the fire first.
U wont be stuck in the middle gerl.
Im really sorrie. If all my words hurts you.
Coz.
Now I really noe.
Who’s the real desperado now..
Sorrie gal.
Gal.
I really hope. You wud come back with us.
I noe.
Its kindda painful to think abt the past and all.
But we got to move on.
Ur pals needs you.
Su,ama,lin.
N I guess gal.
I need you too.
I want to noe you more.
Perhaps.
Be one of ur close fren.
I really wish too.
Gal.
If you cud.
Stayback in mls.
Come for silat training.
Stay in nurdeen.
(not forching you..)
Lets starts afresh.
And leave everythimg behinds us.
Ignore whatever has been done.
May it be accidentally or purposely.
Lets just forgives and forgets.
I noe.
Its difficult.
Ive gone thru it. And im still goin thru it.
But as a gerl.
And as a leader.
I think we shud also stand up for ourselves.
And for our own rights.
If you need help.
Im here for you dear.
I may not noe clearly. The reasons why are you so afar from us.
But I hope.
U wont continue on like this.
I think.
All of us.
In mls.
Miss you.
And whatever happened btw the three of us.
Has never been ur fault.
“Hanya seorang mangsa keadaan.”
Maafkan nani.
Again. I seek for ur forgiveness.
And thanks. For the V. day letter.
I was touched again.
Eventhough.
We are not tat close.
I don’t noe why.
But I hope to stop it and throw away the barrier between us.
Gal. hope to see you soon.
N may our friendship. Prosper. And seriously.
Wanna noe you more.
Lets start afresh.
I noe again.
It seems easy to say. But difficult.
To carry it out.
I hope.
We’ll try.
And make it as a challenge for us.
Cya soon gal. miss ya too.
Muacks.
=)
holdiing0nurhandstight
Just so suddenly.
I hate *him like mad!
Totally mad.
Kept on dreaming abt him.
Non stop.
All the beautiful and painful ones.
Gosh!!
How am I suppose to stop all this craps.
Damn it man!
Seriously.
Sometimes.
I cant take in anymore.
It just come to the max level areadi.
And wen I tried to stop it.
It keep coming back.
I tried to stay strong.
Again and again.
Trying to stay strong.
Yet.
Its just so painful.
The knife that has been hurting me all this while.
Is still dere.
And when I tried to pull it out.
It keep.
Aiming at the same place.
Making the pain worst.
And the hole in my heart.
Gets. Bigger and bigger.
I just don’t noe why.
But I wud really want to find the solution soon.
Holidays have been great.
Even though.
I knew.
Something is missing in my life.
Keep looking at the bear.
Keep pulling its legs and head.
Hahahax.
That’s the moment. The bear came into my life.
Was kindda sad.
But hey.
At least.
Ive learned something new.
And more from my previous experience.
So yeah.
I was just wondering.
Why did. i. Actually.
Menjujung cintamu. Di hujung jari-jemarimu.
Yang tidak pernah ku capai.
Kenapa ku memanggil dirimu.
Putera hatiku.
Sedangkan ku bukan permaisuri dihatimu.
Sedangkan dirimu ingin lebih dari itu.
Walaupun ku curahkan segala yang ku mampu.
Engkau tidak dapat.
Merasakan kebahagian yang kurasa bersamamu
Mengapa engkau mendustai kata-katamu yang selama ini.
Aku hormati.
Aku membuatnya sebagai obor yang membakar semangatku.
Engkau memberiku harapan.
Yang ingin sekali aku mencapainya.
Menaklukinya.
Namun.
Yang selama ini ku ingin kecapi.
Hanya sebuah mimpi.
Sebuah ilusi.
Sebuah khayalan semata-mata.
Yang sudah lama.
Menunjukkkan warna disebalik topeng yang engkau banggakan.
Aku memang buta.
Sehingga aku dikecewakan sebegini.
Jika memang cintamu ku perlu.
Akan ku tunggu.
Walaupun. Ia hanya sesuatu yang menyakitkan.
Tetapi.
Jika takdir sudah menentukan yang disebaliknya.
Akan ku terima.
Asalkan.
Diri ini.
Dapat kembali berdiri di atas kakinya sendiri.
Akan kukuh seperti dinding taj mahal.
Akan berkilauan seperti emas-emas permata yang berharga.
Selamat tinggal kekasih.
Sehingga kita bertemu sekali lagi.
Di dunia yang fana ini.
Atau.
Di pintu syurga.
Jika diizinkan.
Craps craps. That’s just snap me painfully at my BUTT!
Hahahahx.
Kies. CNY holidays.
How did I actually go thru it?
Well or bad?
I cud say.
Both!
Kies.
Kick off the holiday well.
With mummy screaming at me. Coz I wake up late for the picnic at changi beach.
Hahahax.
So yeah.
Sunday was a picnic. Cum. Fishing. Cum. Swimming. Cum. Family bonding.
So yeah. Did a lot of stuff with my aunts and uncles. Cousins and nephew and nieces.
Hmm..
Talk to all of them
Shared problems.
With few.
Especially.
Kak lin and abg yan!
Laugh2 with ikin, aiman, farisha, apit, iyan, nasir and ismail.
They are my cousins. I love the most. And close too.
Dar!
Hahax.
But.
Den again.
I feel something missing.
Grandpa and Grandma.
So as *him and kak yana.
So yeah.
But im still glad.
That my famili was able.
To make each other smile and laugh.
Although.
Deep down, we were damn worried abt grandpa.
He’s totally sick.
I just wish.
I could do something.
To lighten his burden.
But I really don’t noe wat.
I guess praying for him and hope the best for him.
Would be the best.
And leave everything to faith.
Coz. The best for him, its in His hands.
Hmm.
With mummy!
Whee.
So yeah.
Having no siblings and dad.
Is both great and bad.
So yeah.
Im just lucky with wat I have now.
I ever ask mummy to adopt a kid to teman me.
Dulu2 ar.
But.
Its okay.
I think. She had enuff wif one.!
That’s me.
Hahahax. Kies.
As usual.
Mummy shouts. Just to wake me up.
N I cant deny. Yup. Its was like so siang to still be sleeping.
So yeah.
I wake up at.
10am?
Argh? Hahax. Its okies.
So mummy keep bubbling.
Abt the kitchen I made a mess out of it.
Hahax. So yeah.
Help her clean it up.
Did some clean up for her room too.
My room eh? Hahax. Bersih2. hahahahx.
Then. Around 4.
My mum fren. A Chinese muslim.
Invite us. To her house for CNY celebration! Hahahax.
So yeah. Lepas asar gitu.
Kiter kluar.
Gie hougang.
Ate. Loads of Chinese halal food at auntie anne’s place.
All halal.
So no worries.
She married with a muslim guy.
So she converted.
And I cant deny.
She’s sooo pretty in tudung.
So proud of her.
She ask me some tips on how to hafal qur’an.
So since im not so pro enuff.
Just told her.
Wat I noe.
She was soo happy.
And ask me to coach her?
So yeah.
I rejected! Hahahax. Jauh dok!
But. Do feel free to call me.
Hahahax.
=)
Night tyme.
As usual. Watch tv. Eat.
Decompose.
Internet.
Sleep.
Hahahax.
=)
But sorrie to my peeps. Arep. Zimah and the rest. Maaf eh. Tk ikot korang gie tgk norbit.
Hmm. I really want to watch with you guys.
Never ever feel the fun. Watching movie with u guys b4..
Nevermind.
One day. I will!
=P
Tuesday. Another day. To look forward to.
Exco retreat 2 “continued” meeting is held at my house?
Hahax.
It shud be at Su’s place.
But her mum got something up.
So yeah.
I took over.
Mummy keep asking me.
Is he coming or not.
Coz.
Mummy says.
If he’s there.
She will go somewhere else.
So tat. He would feel more comfortable.
So yeah.
Told her.
Don’t need to.
Hmm.
Mummy. I really don’t noe wat to say to her.
Is she angry with him? Or is she still love him and treat him like her own child?
Im confused.
Seriously confused.
I hope.
Everything abt him.
Would end very soon.
Coz.
Its really the time for me to move ahead.
And go back to the FUTURE!
Hahahhax.
=0
So yeah.
Exco. Reached my house abt 11am. Janji pukol 10.
Biaser lah dorang!
Hahahax.
All exco and subcomms leaders were there.
Except for fauzey and razali.
Hahax.
Fun fun fun.
Had serious talks at times too.
But overall okay.
Ate at abt lunch time.
Mummy cooked arep’s favourite.
Mee baksoh!
Then.
Solat.
Continued.
Ended at around 5pm.
Solat.
Watched borat at first.
But everyone.
Finds it too “dirty”
Changed to epic movie.
Was quite pathetic.
And funny ar.
Rate it at. 6/10!
So yeah.
The rest.
Went home at abt 7pm.
Me.
Continue.
Talk to mummy and my cousin came after mahgrib.
Kak lin!!
Talk abt grandpa condition. And my own condition!
Hahahax.
Faham2 jek lah.
=)
Klah. Im like totally tired right now.
Layaning. Mummy’s crap and my cousin’s.
But totally.
I wud say.
I didn’t have a bad holiday at all.
Like I expected.
Eventhough.
Deep down in my heart.
I wanted something so much.
So yeah.
Holidays.
Have been sucks.
But.
Im taking it well.
Decomposing as usual.
But mummy just happy with the condition I am in right now.
So.
Overall.
Nani is okay!.
=0)
So yeah.
Just want baby taz back home safely.
Tat wud be another great news.
=)
Klah.
Miss all already.
Goin for silat training tomolo.
And I want to lepak at mls as usual b4 training!
Whee.
Gonna have fun.
And enjoy my life to the fullest.
Tidak guna aku merenung masa silam.
Sedangkan. Silam. Tidak ingin diriku lagi.
Akan ku pandang ke masa kehadapan.
Kerana lebih banyak lagi belum ku tempuhi.
Jika masa hadapan sepahit masa silam.
Biarlah aku sendirian. Kerna.
Mungkin itu yang sebaiknya untuk diriku ini.
=)
Tke cre ppl! Muacks muacks muacks! =))
holdiing0nurhandstight
In the middle of the whole picnic. Hehehehhe. =) hearts them!
Wanna wish all my Chinese pals.
Happy new year and a prosperous one. Whee.
Hmm. To Wan’s famili too. =)
Whee. Okies.
Family planning.
B4 abah masuk hospital.
Was to go for picnic at ECP!
As usual.
But. After hearing the news.
Wasn’t really in the mood.
So yeah.
Here how it goes.
Hmm.
Wake up in the morning.
Mummy screams!
Hahahax.
Got to help her cook as per normal.
Hmm.
We cooked nasi lemak.
Yup2.
Then.
I went back to sleep.
Coz.
Slept late tat night. Ard. 5am.
Hahahax.
Y? was. Crying? Screaming?
Yup2.
So yeah.
Left house abt 12pm.
Headed towards tampines.
Took epok2 tat we order.
Headed towards. Changi beach.
Yeah.
Change of place.
Hmm.
Menurut kater abg yan.
ECP was soooooooo FULL!!
Tents were closely pack together.
So. Change of place.
Hmmm.
Gasak lah. I just want to enjoy myself with my famili!
Whee yah! =)
When I came.
We were the 2nd famili to reach.
My family from batu pahat was also there! Whee.
Miss them loads.
Hahahax.
Famili reunion ar.
Great plan mum!
Hahahax.
Elderly. Went to visit my grandpa.
While yang kecik2. relek one corner kt beach.
=)))
Hmm.
As usual.
We gossip.
We share probs.
And most of all.
We talk abt *him.
Yup2.
Hot topic in the famili.
Y?
Coz. The whole famili noes him.
So yeah.
Kindda sad to talk abt it.
But wen talk with my cousins.
It feels great.
Yup2.
Aiman.sharique and farisha.
The babies I love the most.
Keep horse-ing me.
Im like their permanent horse!
So yeah.
Layankan jek.
Walaupon.
Pinggang ku macam nk patah.
Hahahahax. =)
Great tyme!
Talk with aunts and uncles.
Cousins.
So fun ar!
N the nasihat tat keep coming to me was:
DON’T FALL IN LOVE.!
So yeah.
Hahahahx.
Padan muker kau nani.!!
So yeah. Pics of the day.
Tgk kt my multiply collections.
Kiniotinani.multiply.com
Videos too.
Uploaded. =)
Iyan ader hp baru! Not fair!
Boy2. masuk npcc. Shocked!
Iman,izat and ilan semuer so cute like me.
Mail and nasir as usual. Irritating.
Apit and iyan. As usual. Act cool.
Syikin. Tangkap jambu.
But cant deny. She is pretty ar.
But kindda shocked.
U want to be wif saif?
Hahahahx.
My dulu2 nyer adeq angkat maser zaman sec sch!
Hahahax. He is cute ar! Cant deny.
Hehehhe.. =))
Overall! I love today! Whee.
Im so happy with my famili.
Did so much things together.
Mandi2.
Main monopoly.
Twister.
Game of risk.
Soccer.
Volleyball.
Beach soccer.
Eat!
Whee. So nice2.
Fun fun fun! Wheee!! =))))
Left changi beach after mahgrib.
Headed to apit’s place.
Knock out as usual.
Slept with farisha!
Hahahahx.
Too fun. Till so damn tired! Hahahax. =)
Thanks to my famili for making it sooooo fun!
Muacks.
But just wish.
Grandpa and grandma was dere.
So as *him.
Haish.
Nvm.
Anoder tyme perhaps.
I dunnoe why.
But wen I reached home.
I feel sad again.
Angry.
Frustrated.
Was it just my feelings.
Or was it my tots?
Im still confused.
I just hope.
It will be better.
Sooner or later.
Coz.
I really cant go on like this.
Feelings have been a roller coaster ride for me.
I don’t noe.
Whoch shud I follow.
My heart?
My mind?
My soul?
My pain?
Its just. So…
Painful.
Yet.
I dunnoe y.
Am I still surviving.
I really cant trust true love and guys again.
When I knew.
It will be this hurt.
It will be this painful.
The tots of the relationship.
Keeps hunting me.
Im staying strong as per normal.
N I just wish. You cud understand me.
=)
I just hope.
It will get better soon.
Soon enuf.
For me. To be me again.
=))
Enuff said I guess.
Im glad. *U keep ur silence.
Baby taz. Miss baby taz no. 2. hahahax.
Teddy bear. Miss teddy no. 2. hahahahx.
And me. Misses *him and *him loads.
(I cant hear them say tat in my dream! Lol!!)
I miss cavana! Argh!!
So random nani!!
holdiing0nurhandstight
My feelings now?
Hmm. I really dunnoe.
Its just this mixed feelings again.
Haish.
Aper lah nasib ko nani.
Klah.
Im like totally happy.
Tat today.
I don’t have mood swings.
Hahahax.
Hmm. Tadik kenek bantal bash dengan faan and arep!
Doink doink!!
Tau kepala nani dibuat nyer.
But yeah.
It wake me up from my beauty sleep.
But.
The bantal.
Hurts my nosey!
Argh!
Sakit lah korang!!!
=)
Klah. Frankly.
My feelings now?
Amaciam?
Aper skrg nani?
Aper ngan ko skrg??
I got this feeling of hatred?
I got this feeling of love.
I got this feeling of guilty>
I got this feeling of sad’
I got this feeling of sympathy<
I got this feeling of {get lost}
So yeah.
Haish, nani.
Kenape ngan ko?
Klah. To saper2 yang concern.
Yang terasa akan message ini disampaikan utknya.
Get YOUR EFF out of my life!
So yeah.
Haish.
Im just leaving everything tat is out of reach to faith.
-nani-
holdiing0nurhandstight
I was weak.
I knew.
Am I gonna lose another person from my life.
The person I love most.
He has been there with me all this while.
Taking care of me.
Carried me from hougang ave10 to hougang ave 5.
For me to mengaji.
He tot me mengaji too at home.
To make me to who I am now.
Yes. Im proud to be Haji Md. Salleh’s granddaughter.
He changed my dypers when I was small.
Overnight with me when I cant sleep.
He’s the one.
Who sees me growing up.
From the babygerl who noe nuts.
To a gerl I am now.
He’s the one. Who has been accompany me.
When I was lonely.
When.
Mummy got to work.
Overtime.
But its all over now.
Grandpa and grandma are sick now.
Seriously sick.
Making me worry sick.
But wat cud I do.
Elderly.
Don’t understand wat “we” are goin thru now.
Grandpa makin teruk.
Jadik mangsa keadaan.
Maafkan nani.
Nani tk dapat lakukan apa2.
I cant stand seeing his condition.
It will just shed my tears.
I cant take it.
It hurts me to see him like tat.
I love you so much abah tok.
All this while.
When you are no longer staying with me.
My life have been haywire.
I miss those time we spent tyme together.
U opened the door when I just finish sch.
Made me ice milo.
When im low.
We made each other smile.
But wen you are gone.
You left the place you wanted to be in so much.
Becoz of. Haish.
Ive disappointed you too much abah.
I didn’t do wat u have tot me.
Ive mistreat every thing.
Abah.
I hope. U forgive me for all my mistakes.
Abah.
I love you so much.
Abah.
Ure the one who has replace the place of “father” in my life.
Abah.
The pain tat you are goin thru. Hurts me so much.
Abah.
Tabah hadapi ini semua.
Abah.
Nani akan doakan yang terbaik untuk abah.
Ya Allah.
If it’s the best for him.
To go first.
Please. Do.
I cant stand the pain that he is goin thru.
You love him much more than ani humans cud give to him.
He has served you.
He has been loyal to you.
Put him to the place where he truly belongs.
To the best place.
He deserved.
As a granddaughter.
I cud only pray for the best.
Jika yg terbaik utknya meninggalkan dunia ini. ambil lah nyawanya Ya Allah. akan ku tabahkan hati ku ini.
*Abah. Nani sayang abah selalu.
holdiing0nurhandstight
Eventhough dah ader bogspot.
Makin malas gitu nk update!!
Im like more into my diary as usual.
Few days with not enuf sleep.
Making my eyes.
Kuyu!
Hahahax.
So bad.
Kadang2 nak kena strain my vision.
Mummy and couzy.
Dah marah.
Haish.
Nani2.
Kanpe lah dgn ko.
Klah. Updates on my life.
The me!
Whee.
Okies.
Thursday. Hmm. Decided not to go out.
Whole body aching badly
No choice.
But just to stay at home.
And watch tv.
Tat night. Watch Disney channel for one whole night.
Mum marah.
N dang.
The card was confiscated.
So. No TV for Friday.
Hahahahx.
Padan muker kau nani!
Tat Thursday.
Boys had soccer.
They didn’t tell me.
Not fair!
Klau tk.
Nani dah turon pakai mini skirt and pong pongs!
Hahahhax.
Lame nani!
Lame!
Semuer yang pergi silat on Wednesday.
Mengadu.
Body aching.
Tulah.
Over stretched muscles kan.
Hahax.
Nansib baik kt umah nani ader muscular balm.
Urut lah nani sendiri yer!
Naisb baik blajar first aid!
Yeah me! =)
Hahahx.
Friday.
At first. Didn’t tot of goin out at all.
Body still aching horrible.
Jalan macam robot.
Turon tangga macam.
Haish.
Lawak ar.
Macam clown tau.
Tapi.
Nk support SSP nyer pasal
Turon lah jugak.
Hahahhax.
But as usual. Nani was late!
Whee.
Janji sampai pukol 4.
Kluar umah pukol 4. =)
Pandai eh nani.
Dah biaser katerkan!
Hahahahx.
So yeah.
Made it.
Still got tyme.
To lepak at mls as usual.
Went to taman warisan with the rest.
After the show.
Went to amirah’s café
As usual.
Say.
Jgan nani. Ambek sheesha.
At last.
Ngan bingit.
Ngah frust.
Ambek jugak.
Hahahax.
Nani tarik dalam beb!
N I can feel the mint.
Menusuk kalbu tau!
But.
Hmm.
It wasn’t my first tyme.
Dah brape bnyk kali seh.
But overall.
Im glad.
I took it ar.
But
Hahax.
Nak balik. Turon tangga.
Bergedebuk!
Nani jatuh!
Hahahax. On my RIGHT knee!!
Nak mengangis gua!
Hahahahx.
Nvm.
Blue black will get worst as usual.
Teringat plak.
Campcraft competition.
Pukol jari dengan hammer.
Which is like 3 kg.
With all the force I got somemore!
Maner tk melalak!
Hahaahhax.
So yeah. Went home.
Mummy was quite angry.
Coz. I was like.
Mak. Nani dah otw balik.
Tapi tak sampai2.
Got to sch the bus lah.
Stop kt satu stop lambat sgt!
Hahahhax.
Salahkan bus eh.
Balik. Hmm. Got to find out something painful.
Terus satu malam tk tido.
Dengar lagu2 merepeks.
Then. Tot of the game for the meeting
Then. Hmm. Solat and breakfast!
Hahax.
Message ama the whole night.
Kacau2 dier abt her. Keberangkatan to Melaka!
Hahahhax.
Gonna miss you gal.
U tke cre aiytes.
Love ya!
Then. Pagi. Went to faizul’s house.
Was to first to reached there.
So hmm.
Kak nur was there till the rest came.
Had a great meeting.
But I was knock down.
In the middle of the meeting.
Ngantok giler rabak to the max ar!
And also.
Kindda sad.
To hear tat syiks.
Haish.
Sedih ar.
Really sad.
Hope you change ur mind k gerl!
Im gonna talk to you one day and brainwash you!
Hahahahx.
I love to do tat!
Hahahahahx.
Left faizul house after mahgrib!
Seriously.
His mum so da friendly and cute!
Hahahahx.
Love her!
Whee..
Went to hospital to see my granddad.
Was shocked.
But.
I can onli pray.
Will talk abt the hospital visit.
The next entry aiytes.
This entry mcm too long gitu!
Hahahhahax.
Enuff said I guess.
And.
Frankly.
I almost.
Koyakkan.
My tigger yesterday night.
Sebab. Nk lepaskkan geram nyer pasal.
Kecian tigger.
Teddy is safe. Hahhaax.
So as baby taz!
Whee. I love all three.
And.
Yeah. Terubat rindu nani.
Nani meet ain. My cousin at last!!! =))
Dah lamer tk jumpe. Hehehhehe. So nice of her lah.
Nasihatkan me.
She so my akak ar!
Even though same age!
Love you ain!
Whee… I miss all my pals! Argh!! Nk hugs!!
Enuff said to *him and *her!
Cioaz.
holdiing0nurhandstight
ya allah.
bantu lah hambamu ini.
gosh.
i realli cnt take it man.
its just hurts so much.
i noe.
it doesnt mean a thing to you.
but damn it!
i bought it with my first pay.
n this is wat i got in return?
if you dont love me animore.
at least keep all the things tat i gave you.
pls.
i noe.
you hate me alreadi.
but damn it!
all the things i gave you.
is because i love you.
is the symbol of my love.
and damn it!
you just got to give it to her.
for all this while.
i tot.
u wud keep it in a box or wat.
but im glad.
u didnt!
but why the freaking hell.
do you have to pass baby taz to her?
and in his dyperS?
argh!!
its just hurts too much!
the pain is just getting worst and worst!
damn it wan!
damn it!
i knew.
u are goin to melaka.
to celebrate CNY as usual.
hope.
wen u come back.
baby taz will be back with you.
at the place where it belongs to.
pls.
i beg you.
i dont want it to be with her.
pls.
pls.
im begging you!
pls.
just. tke cre over there.
hope u enjoy urself. with ur families.
tke cre ayites.
when u return.
pls.
take baby taz back.
pls.
pls.
tats all i got to say.
im begging you.
pls.
ur teddy is still safe with me.
pls wan.
pls.
*i want more sheesha!
holdiing0nurhandstight
damn it!
how the hell cud you pass baby taz to her!
i respected all the things you gave me.
n this is wat i got in return!
wth!!
hey.i give baby taz to you for our one month anniversary gift.
n dis is wat u did to it?
gosh.seriously.
i tot u wud treasure it.
damn it man!
y cant u give her other stuff?
why must it be baby taz.
seriously.
im damn sad.
im damn freaking out!
im damn gonna break down.
if u dont love me animore.
pls.
treasure the things ive given you.
the gift of my love.
dont tell me.
haish...
i dont want to think abt it!
i wanna cry out loud for goodness sake!
damn it gerl!
*tke cre sis.
gonna miss you.
-nani-
holdiing0nurhandstight
okay lah ppl.
hahahx. nani dah ader blogspot! whee. credits to yusri for helping me ar! hahahax. thanks alot bro. whee.
okies. new blog. maybe. new things and stuff to talk abt.
i seriously dont noe.
hahahahx
klah. i was so frustrated abt wat actually happen two days ago. i bought myself. i big.
chocolate pie cake with double layer chocolate cream. 3kg. cost me. 48 bucks. finish half of it. b4 mummy reached home.
yup.
so tats how nani let go of her frustration.
kindda waste of money ar.
but for chocolates.
anithin for it man!
whee.
btw. thanks to mummy. for letting me go.
to. johore bahru later at 4am. with my cuzzies.
whee. im so gonna enjoy myself.
klah. saper2 yang dah di link. jgn luper tag2 tau.
hahahax. im so gonna learn how to use this blog man.
hahahax.
klau multiply. nani dah pro dah. gaggagagax.
klah. kambing nk siar2 di taman blog nie dulu.
cioaz ppl.
*still misses him.
holdiing0nurhandstight
-`tagboard