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Just so suddenly.
I hate *him like mad!
Totally mad.
Kept on dreaming abt him.
Non stop.
All the beautiful and painful ones.
Gosh!!
How am I suppose to stop all this craps.
Damn it man!
Seriously.
Sometimes.
I cant take in anymore.
It just come to the max level areadi.
And wen I tried to stop it.
It keep coming back.
I tried to stay strong.
Again and again.
Trying to stay strong.
Yet.
Its just so painful.
The knife that has been hurting me all this while.
Is still dere.
And when I tried to pull it out.
It keep.
Aiming at the same place.
Making the pain worst.
And the hole in my heart.
Gets. Bigger and bigger.
I just don’t noe why.
But I wud really want to find the solution soon.
Holidays have been great.
Even though.
I knew.
Something is missing in my life.
Keep looking at the bear.
Keep pulling its legs and head.
Hahahax.
That’s the moment. The bear came into my life.
Was kindda sad.
But hey.
At least.
Ive learned something new.
And more from my previous experience.
So yeah.
I was just wondering.
Why did. i. Actually.
Menjujung cintamu. Di hujung jari-jemarimu.
Yang tidak pernah ku capai.
Kenapa ku memanggil dirimu.
Putera hatiku.
Sedangkan ku bukan permaisuri dihatimu.
Sedangkan dirimu ingin lebih dari itu.
Walaupun ku curahkan segala yang ku mampu.
Engkau tidak dapat.
Merasakan kebahagian yang kurasa bersamamu
Mengapa engkau mendustai kata-katamu yang selama ini.
Aku hormati.
Aku membuatnya sebagai obor yang membakar semangatku.
Engkau memberiku harapan.
Yang ingin sekali aku mencapainya.
Menaklukinya.
Namun.
Yang selama ini ku ingin kecapi.
Hanya sebuah mimpi.
Sebuah ilusi.
Sebuah khayalan semata-mata.
Yang sudah lama.
Menunjukkkan warna disebalik topeng yang engkau banggakan.
Aku memang buta.
Sehingga aku dikecewakan sebegini.
Jika memang cintamu ku perlu.
Akan ku tunggu.
Walaupun. Ia hanya sesuatu yang menyakitkan.
Tetapi.
Jika takdir sudah menentukan yang disebaliknya.
Akan ku terima.
Asalkan.
Diri ini.
Dapat kembali berdiri di atas kakinya sendiri.
Akan kukuh seperti dinding taj mahal.
Akan berkilauan seperti emas-emas permata yang berharga.
Selamat tinggal kekasih.
Sehingga kita bertemu sekali lagi.
Di dunia yang fana ini.
Atau.
Di pintu syurga.
Jika diizinkan.
Craps craps. That’s just snap me painfully at my BUTT!
Hahahahx.
Kies. CNY holidays.
How did I actually go thru it?
Well or bad?
I cud say.
Both!
Kies.
Kick off the holiday well.
With mummy screaming at me. Coz I wake up late for the picnic at changi beach.
Hahahax.
So yeah.
Sunday was a picnic. Cum. Fishing. Cum. Swimming. Cum. Family bonding.
So yeah. Did a lot of stuff with my aunts and uncles. Cousins and nephew and nieces.
Hmm..
Talk to all of them
Shared problems.
With few.
Especially.
Kak lin and abg yan!
Laugh2 with ikin, aiman, farisha, apit, iyan, nasir and ismail.
They are my cousins. I love the most. And close too.
Dar!
Hahax.
But.
Den again.
I feel something missing.
Grandpa and Grandma.
So as *him and kak yana.
So yeah.
But im still glad.
That my famili was able.
To make each other smile and laugh.
Although.
Deep down, we were damn worried abt grandpa.
He’s totally sick.
I just wish.
I could do something.
To lighten his burden.
But I really don’t noe wat.
I guess praying for him and hope the best for him.
Would be the best.
And leave everything to faith.
Coz. The best for him, its in His hands.
Hmm.
With mummy!
Whee.
So yeah.
Having no siblings and dad.
Is both great and bad.
So yeah.
Im just lucky with wat I have now.
I ever ask mummy to adopt a kid to teman me.
Dulu2 ar.
But.
Its okay.
I think. She had enuff wif one.!
That’s me.
Hahahax. Kies.
As usual.
Mummy shouts. Just to wake me up.
N I cant deny. Yup. Its was like so siang to still be sleeping.
So yeah.
I wake up at.
10am?
Argh? Hahax. Its okies.
So mummy keep bubbling.
Abt the kitchen I made a mess out of it.
Hahax. So yeah.
Help her clean it up.
Did some clean up for her room too.
My room eh? Hahax. Bersih2. hahahahx.
Then. Around 4.
My mum fren. A Chinese muslim.
Invite us. To her house for CNY celebration! Hahahax.
So yeah. Lepas asar gitu.
Kiter kluar.
Gie hougang.
Ate. Loads of Chinese halal food at auntie anne’s place.
All halal.
So no worries.
She married with a muslim guy.
So she converted.
And I cant deny.
She’s sooo pretty in tudung.
So proud of her.
She ask me some tips on how to hafal qur’an.
So since im not so pro enuff.
Just told her.
Wat I noe.
She was soo happy.
And ask me to coach her?
So yeah.
I rejected! Hahahax. Jauh dok!
But. Do feel free to call me.
Hahahax.
=)
Night tyme.
As usual. Watch tv. Eat.
Decompose.
Internet.
Sleep.
Hahahax.
=)
But sorrie to my peeps. Arep. Zimah and the rest. Maaf eh. Tk ikot korang gie tgk norbit.
Hmm. I really want to watch with you guys.
Never ever feel the fun. Watching movie with u guys b4..
Nevermind.
One day. I will!
=P
Tuesday. Another day. To look forward to.
Exco retreat 2 “continued” meeting is held at my house?
Hahax.
It shud be at Su’s place.
But her mum got something up.
So yeah.
I took over.
Mummy keep asking me.
Is he coming or not.
Coz.
Mummy says.
If he’s there.
She will go somewhere else.
So tat. He would feel more comfortable.
So yeah.
Told her.
Don’t need to.
Hmm.
Mummy. I really don’t noe wat to say to her.
Is she angry with him? Or is she still love him and treat him like her own child?
Im confused.
Seriously confused.
I hope.
Everything abt him.
Would end very soon.
Coz.
Its really the time for me to move ahead.
And go back to the FUTURE!
Hahahhax.
=0
So yeah.
Exco. Reached my house abt 11am. Janji pukol 10.
Biaser lah dorang!
Hahahax.
All exco and subcomms leaders were there.
Except for fauzey and razali.
Hahax.
Fun fun fun.
Had serious talks at times too.
But overall okay.
Ate at abt lunch time.
Mummy cooked arep’s favourite.
Mee baksoh!
Then.
Solat.
Continued.
Ended at around 5pm.
Solat.
Watched borat at first.
But everyone.
Finds it too “dirty”
Changed to epic movie.
Was quite pathetic.
And funny ar.
Rate it at. 6/10!
So yeah.
The rest.
Went home at abt 7pm.
Me.
Continue.
Talk to mummy and my cousin came after mahgrib.
Kak lin!!
Talk abt grandpa condition. And my own condition!
Hahahax.
Faham2 jek lah.
=)
Klah. Im like totally tired right now.
Layaning. Mummy’s crap and my cousin’s.
But totally.
I wud say.
I didn’t have a bad holiday at all.
Like I expected.
Eventhough.
Deep down in my heart.
I wanted something so much.
So yeah.
Holidays.
Have been sucks.
But.
Im taking it well.
Decomposing as usual.
But mummy just happy with the condition I am in right now.
So.
Overall.
Nani is okay!.
=0)
So yeah.
Just want baby taz back home safely.
Tat wud be another great news.
=)
Klah.
Miss all already.
Goin for silat training tomolo.
And I want to lepak at mls as usual b4 training!
Whee.
Gonna have fun.
And enjoy my life to the fullest.
Tidak guna aku merenung masa silam.
Sedangkan. Silam. Tidak ingin diriku lagi.
Akan ku pandang ke masa kehadapan.
Kerana lebih banyak lagi belum ku tempuhi.
Jika masa hadapan sepahit masa silam.
Biarlah aku sendirian. Kerna.
Mungkin itu yang sebaiknya untuk diriku ini.
=)
Tke cre ppl! Muacks muacks muacks! =))
holdiing0nurhandstight


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